Rants: Understanding Metal. 2 comments

Posted at 12:00 AM in

Unable to differentiate the various genres of metal music? No worries. Here are some fun and easy definitions of each main genre of metal which might solve your problem. Just for fun.

Heavy Metal: Rock music played with heavily distorted guitars, wailing vocals and weighty drums.
Glam Metal: Heavy Metal with make up.
Thrash Metal: Heavy Metal played fast.

Death Metal: Scary Heavy Metal played fast with deathly lyrics and sweat pants.
Melodic Death Metal: Less scarier Heavy Metal played fast with harmonies.
Black Metal: Scarier Heavy Metal played fast with satanic lyrics and make up.
Grindcore: Short Heavy Metal played ultra fast with political lyrics.
Porno Grind: Short heavy Metal played ultra fast with sick sexual lyrics.
Gore grind: Short Heavy metal played ultra fast with lyrics on human anatomy.
Speed Metal: Heavy Metal played faster.
Power Metal: Heavy Metal played faster with dungeons & dragons lyrics.
Industrial Metal: Heavy Metal played with a computer.
Doom Metal: Heavy Metal played slow.
Sludge Metal: Heavy Metal played slower.
Gothic Metal: Sad Heavy Metal with make up.
Groove Metal: Heavy Metal played with a groove.
Nu Metal: Groovy Heavy Metal played by douches with baggy jeans.
Metalcore: Groovy Heavy Metal played by douches with skinny jeans
2 Responses to 'Rants: Understanding Metal.'
  1. nice one!

  2. The further I read down the list, the funnier these got. Pant size really does seem like the only real difference between douches.

    Glam metal puts effort into their makeup - black metal does, too, but they'll never admit it. :)

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